woensdag 16 juli 2014

On NOT getting pregnant.

Since I was about 17 I have known that getting pregnant would not be easy. Around this age the doctor told me I have PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome). It actually is quite a common syndrome,not dangerous and it is treatable….not cure-able….but treatable. It affects certain aspects of my life ( I will save that for some other time) but other than that is easy to live with……until you actually want to get pregnant.

It was always my fear that when I would be in that position of trying to have a baby, it would become an obsession. And it did!!! I have only been married for a year and a half and I know so many couples have been trying for so much longer…but men…it is hard sometimes. I have been experiencing emotions, expectations and disappointments that I have never experienced before. Also I have never felt more out of control…..really, just relaxing is not doing the trick.

I have so many thoughts on this subject and learned so much about my body in this last year. And for myself I think it is good to write some of it down and perhaps someone else will benefit from it as well.

For now, we are taking a little “Break”. The last 5 months especially have been somewhat exhausting. I am really grateful for good doctors and fancy medication but at some point you just need some room to breath. It is so easy to only focus on this. To define myself only based on this. To only put energy in this. And with THIS I mean: fertility or the lack of it. I am so much more than that. Right now I am creating space for my self, space to breathe, space to be happy no matter what, space for God and space to be romantic againJ

I am very aware that I live in very blessed circumstances, like a country where I can go to the doctor and where a lot of the medicines are paid for……and that I have a great husband to go through this with…..he is the optimist of optimistsJ

I think we all have things in our lives that we associate ourselves with or things that we let define ourselves. And although sometimes that can be a good thing…for me it is important to realize that I am build up out of many things, talents, characteristics, fears, expectations etc. And for me it is essential to not get preoccupied with something that I can only control a little bit ….or not at all. Stress has never changed the future for me…..it has only given me headaches.


Ps: please excuse my grammar.

Pps: But really, how can you blame me….I mean, how could anyone not be impatient to have a baby like this?! (Yes, that is my cute husband)

woensdag 8 mei 2013


The last few days I have had the need so much to surround myself with pretty pictures, pretty music, pretty nature....lovely people and so on. I really need this because lately i find it a bit hard to be optimistic and upbeat. I know the reasons why and I also know I have to surround myself with beauty to get rid of that negative voice in my head. I have so much goodness in my life...especially David....if you are reading this: Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I took these photo's a few days ago...

 “Don’t ask what the world needs. 
ask what makes you come alive, 
and go do it. 
because what the world needs is people 
who have come alive.” 
-howard thurman 

“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.” 
― Gordon B. Hinckley

"Now and then it's good to 
pause in our pursuit of happiness
and just be happy."
- Guillaume Apollinaire


maandag 6 mei 2013


 Patience....that thing that you kind of think you are getting the hang off....till new challenges arise and you find yourself basically the most impatient person ever. So, on a day like this the only thing to do is get your bike out and look for some nice flowers and pondering some of the things you have read.....and hoping for peace of mind.

Hebrews 10:
31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
32 But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions; 
35 Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.
36 For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

Doctrine&Covenants 98: 

 Verily I say unto you my friends, afear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give bthanks;

 aWaiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been aafflicted shall work together for your bgood, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord
  11 And I give unto you a commandment, that ye shall forsake all evil and cleave unto all agood, that ye shall live by every bwordwhich proceedeth forth out of the mouth of God.
12 For he will agive unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and I will btry you and prove you herewith.
13 And whoso alayeth down his life in my cause, for my name’s sake, shall find it again, even life eternal.
14 Therefore, be not aafraid of your enemies, for I have decreed in my heart, saith the Lord, that I will bprove you in all things, whether you will abide in my covenant, ceven unto death, that you may be found worthy.

Helaman 5:
12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon thearock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your bfoundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty cstorm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. 

it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, 
trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these 
things and still feel calm in your heart.


ps: HERE is one of my most favourite talks ever....and about patience:)

donderdag 2 mei 2013

Hamburg....May 1st.

Yesterday was may 1st. In Germany a national holiday also know as: Tag de Arbeit ( labour day). So....since everbody was off from work we got to hang out with my sister-in-law and her boyfriend who lives in Hamburg. We got a good tour of the city.
The trees were all so pretty. Big pretty trees everywhere.

Emily and Tobi.


I think my husband is very adorable.

This is the Elbe Philharmonic Hall. A very impressive building...especially the inside but i have only seen pictures of it. It has already taken much longer to finish(most likely summer 2015) the building and has cost a lot more than expected....it costs already more than 500 million!!!

Hamburg is a harbour city...we spend a good time walking past the shore. Very nice.

Nerds on scooter-bicycles....i was a bit jealous because my feet were tired...but still....nerds:) They also had this look on their face like: let me through, i am on a cool device....

This lady was posing....she was quite old. As i was watching this a man walked by  repeating the words: botox, botox. 

There comes the party-boat! Not really...it is our taxi to another part of the harbour.

And we ended our walk by taking the bike back to where we started.

A nice ride along the Alster. Very pretty.

Great mural art.

The end!


vrijdag 19 april 2013

Today is green.......

 So....last week i had to go and undergo a glucose-test for several reasons. To put it mildly...i did not like it at all. The doctor had not been very clear in his communication. To make a long story short: i had to sit there in the waiting room for almost 3 hours and having my blood taken every hour. At some point i found a Cosmopolitan to read and saw this little recipe and well....i decided ro rip it out and that was that:) I have made green smoothies before but this one seemed so nice and simple. I probably should not rip out more pages.

All these photo's are a bit mixed up and i can not seem to get them in the right order. But anyway it was super simple to make and super tasty.....and i feel so good after drinking stuff like this and that is mostly why i do it.

The ingredients. Minus those 2 little plants. Leaf spinach is not really sold here in the supermarket. Luckily there is a good Turkish stand at the market. I did not add the Romana lettuce...i just added a bit extra water.

Here i put the rest in an old appelsauce jar, put a ribbon on it and VOILA a nice little present for the husband.

Nice squishy green. You can taste the celery very well and i wasnt sure if i was going to like it....but i do. You can read a nice article about how healthy celery is : HERE


donderdag 18 april 2013

Beets and apples...

One of David's favourite snacks is: beets, apples and some lemon juice. And I agree.....very delicious. It takes a little work to make this but if you have the time.....which I have......it is so worth it. I figure that i just see making this as a hobby and then i am much more motivated.....also while i am making this Germany's next topmodel is playing in the background. Hey, i have to learn German and what better way than to listen to Heidi Klum and her pretty....yet slightly whiny m├Ądchen who are trying to rule the world. Some of those girls have legs......goodness.....it is good that i am mostly just listening instead of wachting.

But yes: BEETS! The colour is I think one of the prettiest and they have such a nice earthy taste.
Be careful you don't grab on of these on accident:)
 Just the beginning of creating red hands.
Just cut everything into pieces and...
throw it in some cutting device.
David got this one for his b-day......he loves it.
Do not forget lemon for freshness and juice. Just add the juice.
After everything is chopped and lemon is added it is good to mix it some more to make it nice and squishy.
And there we have a nice refreshing and healthy bowl of redness.
This little peeler is the best 3 euro spend at Ikea EVER! It makes peeling FUN...that is right. Because of this thingy I peel so much more veggies and fruit and of course because of that also eat more of the earths goodness. Especially carrots....very good to eat instead of like chocolate or crisps.
And then you can make a cheesy note for your husband...because you know ...that is what 4 months of marriage has done to you.....heartsbeets.....you know...beats/beets.....horrible. And yes, beets make for excellent stamps.

Do not worry the next day you go to the toilet.....nothing is wrong with you. Beets are just very strong in colour:)